I hate how much I love Top Shot.
The guns. The bravado. The ignorance. The accents. The exploding household goods.
And Colby. Oh Colby, you’ve come a long way since Survivor.
Haven’t seen the show? It’s a reality competition show to find the best marksman. I’m embarrassed that I know this.
“God didn’t create all men equal. Smith & Wesson did.” A contestant just said that.
I’m going to go die of shame.
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It has been a rough week for Black folks in reality TV. Then again, since Black people are usually cast as angry, crazy, or singers, (or all flippin’ three!) maybe every week is a bad week.Or maybe I’m being hyper sensitive. All possibilities. I’m not ruling anything out.
Thar’ be spoilers ahead, so if you’re not caught up on your sub-par TV, it’s best to skip this post.
- The Amazing Race: It was a good attempt, Ron and Tony, my strong, orange-clad brothas. I don’t see how this happened. They were in first place. They were wearing mesh shirts, they had advanced degrees, one of them even carried a compass. Everything was going smoothly. Then they fell apart, falling from first to last place. So long only Black people on the show. Interesting trend alert: How many times have Black partners been eliminated first on Amazing Race? I can think of 3 offhand. I’d argue that maybe we’ve just had bad luck in this game, but we’ve won, and come close (stupid piss break!) Hmm. Someone sleuth this!
- Survivor: Let’s talk about NaOnka (see the pic above). First, I hope your name means something pretty because it sounds like the noise a cell phone makes when you drop it in the toilet. Second, I can’t believe you are a teacher, let alone a PE teacher where building self-esteem and offering encouragement is absolutely vital. You are constantly hating on the girl with one leg. Not only is she just as fast and strong as you, but she’s managing to complain a lot less…and I’m willing to bet she has sand wedged between her leg and the prosthetic. Third: Stop with the anger! We don’t know your backstory, we don’t know why you’re so upset and touchy. All America sees is that you are a loose cannon with a loud mouth. And CBS is just eating this up, with videos on their site to prove it (see:, “NaOnka is Crazy,” and “NaOnka Is Out of Control,” both quotes from her castmates. ) Survivor is one of the few reality shows where, “I’m not here to make friends,” doesn’t really work. At the end of the game, people have to like or at least respect you enough to give you a million bucks. If acting a fool, stealing socks and cat-fighting over an idol clue is her game plan, it’s not exactly a good one. She makes for “good” television and controversy, but she’s shooting herself in the foot while setting us (Black people) back a few years.
- The Apprentice: I don’t blame Liza for wanting to call out her team for throwing her under the bus. I also don’t blame her for calling her teammate a bitch. I just think it sucks that the rest of her team now has a vendetta against her for it. They can’t come up with strong reasons for her to go, but they all want her gone. I’d almost respect them more if they just said, “Ya know what? That lady with the fierce braids intimidates me and challenges my long-held assumptions about Black people and I want her gone.” A little honesty would help everyone sleep at night. Meanwhile, at least Gene was out of the fray this week. Good old Gene, he looks like my Dad and stays out of the way. Keep your head down Gene and I’ll see you in the finals…or at least a few more episodes.
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Ethan Zohn took home 1 Million bucks as the winner of Survivor-Africa in 2002. With his winnings, he’s been incredibly philanthropic, starting Grassroot Soccer, which combines soccer and fundraising to generate money for HIV/AIDS research. The guy is kind of a rock star, only humble and generous.
Now, he is surviving all over again; Zohn was recently diagnosed with Hodkin’s Lymphoma.
He told People magazine:
“You have to get spiritual about this [stuff]. I know I want to help people and inspire people. That’s my purpose in life. So I need to use this as a platform.”
Cancer sucks. Do your part to join Ethan and thousands of others in the fight against blood cancers. Support the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society today!
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Posted in Hump Day Update, tagged Barbara Walters, Better off Ted, Bryan Batt, David Letterman, Family Guy, Greek, Janeane Garofalo, John McCain, Mad Men, MTV, Regis Philbin, Survivor, Two And A Half Men on March 25, 2009|
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I’m trying to watch Better Off Ted again. I just don’t think it’s for me. It’s a little too cute for my taste. I can almost see it animated. 5 second review over, on to the updates.
- Barbara Walters is 79-years-old. It’s about time she retires. (Sidenote: Regis Philbin is also 75+. Both of them look a decade younger than John McCain.
- Mad Men update! Season 3 starts shooting in May and premieres in July. Everyone’s favorite closeted Italian Sal, played masterfully by Bryan Batt, said his character will probably never come out. “There’s going to be more torture in his story, “ he said. I can’t wait.
- Things are worse than I thought: Two and a Half Men just got renewed through 2012. Sweet jesus. Won’t they be at 3 men by then?
- I didn’t anything was off limits for Family Guy but apparently this was.
- And my favorite non-TV related link of the week: Lunch Bag Art. One awesome papa draws gorgeous pictures on his children’s lunch bags. I’m sure a book deal is fast approaching.
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Posted in Hump Day Update, tagged Balthazar Getty, Big Love, Brad Pitt, Inglourious Basterds, Katherine Heigl, Ken Ken, Kid's Choice Awards, Nicolette Sheridan, Quentin Tarantino, Salma Hayek, Survivor, SWV, T.R. Knight, The Dark Knight, The Office, Top Chef, Top Chef Masters on February 11, 2009|
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I’m writing this and watching LOST at the same time. Gosh I wish I knew more about physics!
- Top Chef is getting a spin-off! It’s called Top Chef Masters and it’s going to star master chefs I guess. I don’t quite get it just yet, but I’ll probably end up watching it.
- Dark Knight got nominated for a Kid’s Choice Award. Not exactly the film’s target audience. I suppose it was better than Hotel For Dogs.
- This Inglourius Basterds clip is making its way around the internet. It involves Brad Pitt, Quentin Tarantino and Nazi killing. That’s all you need to know. BJ Novak is in it too. Hopefully he’ll break the chain of bad luck Office stars have had with films.
- My Favorite Non-TV Related Links of the Week: The latest addition to my Google Reader, This is why you’re fat. It’s essentially food porn. Also, I’ve become addicted to KenKen puzzles this week. Seriously, do one online, you’ll be addicted too.
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I totally thought it was Wednesday yesterday so you got your Hump Day Updates ahead of schedule. Now I am going to totally blow your mind and do Marry, Bop or Kill today. I missed last week and I’ll be out of town this weekend so I figured I owe you one. Let’s get to it!
Marry: Bob Crowley
Bob Crowley, a physics teacher from Maine, was crowned champion of Survivor: Gabon on Sunday. At 57 he’s the oldest winner and for my money, the nicest. He played the game well, but fairly. He was affable, creative (two fake immunity idols?!) and really seemed to enjoy every part of the experience. Plus he turned his buff into a bowtie. Charm isn’t dead folks.
Bop: Rhys Darby as Murray on Flight of The Conchords
Season 2 of the hilarious HBO musical-comedy premiered online at Funny or Die.com. Jemaine and Bret are outstanding as usual but the oft-forgotten shining star of this show is lowly band manager Murray Hewitt played to near perfection by Rhys Darby. Murray’s awkward quips continue to steal the show and I cannot wait to see the second episode in January. Darby is so good on FOTC I may even check out his new movie Yes Man starring Jim Carrey…or at least watch it On Demand a year from now.
Kill: Planet Hollywood – New York
Planet Hollywood invites celebrities to make handprints in cement. Which starlet just graced PH:New York with her presence? Danielle Fishel. Don’t remember her? She was Topanga on Boy Meets World. We’ve officially run out of celebrities. Who’s next? The little girl from the Pepsi commercials?
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Marry: Bobby Moynihan
Bobby is one of the new fellas on SNL this season. Though he may get lost in the testosterone shuffle over at 30 Rockefeller Plaza, he really stood out on last night’s ep. His Snagglepuss impression was spot on (Heavens to Mergatroid!) but he finally earned his wings after last night’s dancer sketch with Justin Timberlake and Beyonce.
Bop: Jeff Probst
After the Probster won the first ever Reality TV hosting Emmy this fall, I vowed to give Survivor another shot. Not only has this season kept me entertained but Jeff Probst has yet to disappoint. His best work is actually offscreen. He blogs about every episode for Entertainment Weekly and his entries provide key insight in to the game, and his psyche. Turns out Jeff Probst is a pretty funny dude. One of those guys I wish I were friends with.
Kill: The Euro Duo on Top Chef
Did you catch the season premiere of Top Chef on Wednesday? It had some nice twists right off the bat! Getting rid of someone before they even make it to the Top Chef Kitchens?? Ballsy. But my two least favorite chefs are the Euro Duo. We get it, you’re exotic, you’re supposedly amazing, blah, blah, blah. It all getting to be too much. I’m already sick of Stefan’s attitude and that elimination win won’t help matters too much. You know you’re ego’s bad when you’re too big for American reality TV.
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