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Archive for December, 2007

My Resolutions

Every blog does it and who am I to buck tradition. Here are my New Year’s Resolutions where TV is concerned:

  • I will try to embrace channels I don’t normally watch. In 2007 I found luck with MSNBC and Oxygen. Where else would I have found my prison documentaries and excessive wedding shows?
  • I resolve to watch more news. I read the newspaper everyday but it can only go so fast. I don’t want to be the last to know everything, especially with the election coming up.
  • I’m done settling for least objectionable programming. If there is nothing on the TV, then I will turn it off.

I think that’s a pretty good start. Happy New Year everybody!

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Things I Forgot Existed: Divas Live


Nothing says vacation like discussing old television specials. On the docket? Divas Live.

Remember this? A bunch of aging biddies singing show tunes and their pop favorites. The first concert was pretty classy but the it only got worse from their.

People that probably shouldn’t have been invited to Divas Live:

  • Cindy Lauper
  • RuPaul
  • Shania Twain

Thinking about that just made my day. What’s next on the docket? Remember Say What Karaoke? We could be here all night.

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New Years Eve Specials: Yikes!


I’m headed out of town tonight and while I’m bringing along my computer, things will get hectic. And by things I mean me, and by hectic I mean drunk.

I have to finish packing but I owe you this much. Nothing to do on New Years? Here is a handy guide from USA Today on where to find your favorite C-List celebrities doing countdown specials.

If it were up to me, we’d all ring in the New Year watching U Party With Fox News. I don’t know who’s going to have a worse evening; the people tuning in to play interactive news games with Griff Jenkins or Griff Jenkins. Six in one hand, half-dozen in the other.

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He did it! I’m so happy I could play the Will It Float board game!

David Letterman’s production company WorldWide Pants reached an agreement with the WGA and his show will return on January 2 with writers in tow.

This is uplifting news. WorldWide Pants may not be Viacom but any movement on this issue is positive. An agreement is proof that negotiations can work.

Someone tell that to Rupert Murdoch.

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Coming Back In The Future


Just got off the phone with my friend Liz. We like to gab about TV and today we spoke about what shows we’re looking forward to in 2008. Here’s the short list:

  • Real World/Road Rules – The Gauntlet: I have my money on Coral. I don’t even know if she’s playing. She could win from afar. Just like Tanya. I bet she’s phoning this one in. I tried to look up online to see what exotic locale the show is in this time but no such luck. They’ve been to South Africa, Australia, and all over the Caribbean but every set looks identical. They probably film all of them on a sound stage in Hollywood. If they really wanted to give these people a run for their money, they’d shoot in Dubai or Beirut.
  • Lost – I’ve decided to commit and watch the back half of season 3 on DVD just so I can catch up with this show. I have a feeling it’s going to be really big this time.
  • The L Word: This is a short clip with the cast and producers talking about season five. To say I am geeked out about the whole thing an understatement. Apparently some changes to this season include more group interaction, Bette and Tina possibly getting back together and more sex. I don’t know if I can handle pay-cable and all of this sex. Between Tell Me You Love Me, The Tudors and The L Word I am just getting worn out and they make me look pervy. I am not weird, I just like good TV.
  • Rob & Big: Say what you will about the guys but I wish I were friends with them. Their show is just as scripted as all of the MTV stuff but it’s a lot funnier.
  • Prison Break: I kind of forgot what’s happening but hopefully it will all come back to me. Something about Panama, guards, shanks, tunnels. Same old, same old.

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Stars Behind Bars: The OC Edition


Mischa Barton spent a night in jail after getting arrested for suspicion of drunk driving. She should have been arrested for having a ton of money and awful hair. Or bad acting choices. Lock her up and throw away the key.

My guess? She made a grand escape and slipped through the bars.

When I start my website, pleaseeatasandwich.com, she’s going to be on the homepage.

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Vicious Cycle

When the news of former Pakistani PM Benazir Bhutto’s assassination hit the US news cycle, I was in the middle of a non-stop block of 30 Rock on DVD.

In fact, I didn’t learn of her tragic death for three hours. My excuse? A slow day at the house and a play all feature.

Once I heard about the news, I was dumbfounded. By the senseless act of violence and hate, and how I’d been too wrapped up in my own mess, my comedy, my DVD, my morning.

There are people across the country, too many, who have no idea what happened today. Most were probably watching TV or movies, just two clicks away from the internet, steps away from a newspaper or a friend.

What’s my point? I’m getting there, I swear. We’re given everything when we want it. We have so many options that we can see what we want and skip what we don’t. I enjoy avoiding the commercials on my Tivo, or with DVDs and I can argue that I’m not missing much. But by ducking those chance encounters, I’m really missing…a lot.

People move faster, technology catchs up with them and the cycle continues. Violence tears families apart, the Earth melts away, people are eating too much. The cycles feed into each other and both of them are messing us up. But how do you change that? Does anyone really want it to change? Or is it just something nice to think about?

I just don’t know where to start.

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Like The Civil Rights Movement…But For Dudes


The struggle is over my friends. Everyone will have the opportunity to watch Tom Brady and the Patriots crush the Giants on Saturday.

Missed the whole thing? Originally, the game was only available on the NFL Network. This wouldn’t have been a big deal but if the Patriots win, they will be the first team in league history to have a perfect regular season. Needless to say, the 60% of Americans with TVs who don’t have the NFL network want to see it.

After weeks of insisting they wouldn’t budge on their position, the NFL decided to simulcast the game on CBS and NBC.

This is a turning point for football fans, the network and the cable companies, as all three have had a tumultuous time dealing with each other this year. The feud is on hold this week and everyone can just sit back and watch the Patriots make some history. Once the warm glow wears off next week it will be interesting to see where this goes. My guess? The NFL Network won’t make it more than a few years.

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I missed you guys on Monday. Not too much happening this week or last because of the holiday. Talks are stilled virtually stalled out. It’s not looking good.

  • Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart are returning to the air on January 7th, without writers.
  • The WGA granted a waiver to the Spirit Awards. Awesome. Since the Oscars and Golden Globes will suck, hopefully people will watch the show honoring indie films and some up-and-comers will get the credit and audience they deserve.
  • Tiffany Pollard (pictured), a.k.a. VH1’s New York, got engaged to that dude that won I Love New York 2. Expect more ridiculous marriages based on shitty reality shows should the strike continue.

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Writing Winter Break!

I won’t be posting to edubTV today or tomorrow to ring in my family’s annual gift giving holiday.

To tide you over, please enjoy one of my favorite holiday clips, Christmastime for the Jews. This musical SNL sketch was overshadowed on its premiere episode in 2006 by Lazy Sunday.


I’ll be back Christmas night or Wednesday to discuss the best tactics for re-gifting boxed sets you don’t want. (No really, I don’t watch Buffy…seriously.)
Until then!

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Escape Into TV This Holiday Season


Every holiday, television networks work very hard to attract viewers and retain them when their days off are over. The best way to do this is with marathons. Nothing says, “Please watch my channel” like a non-stop block of Cops. These marathons are also awesome for testing the waters on a new show or having a ham coma on the couch.

So in case you feel like tuning in, here are the best and worst marathons on TV the next few days:

  • TNT is airing a mini-marathon of ER holiday episodes. ER recognized the importance of the fall finale long before that term existed. These episodes represent some of the best dramatic television of the mid to late nineties. The episodes start Christmas Eve Morning. If nothing else, make time for Hindsight, one of my favorite ERs ever at 1:35 pm CST.
  • A&E is airing several episodes of Cold Case Files. This show is kind of intense, but well made. If you’re into crime shows, might I suggest the Christmas marathons of Cold Case, Monk or CSI:Miami. Brighter colors, cheesier dialogue and less talk about dead children, at least real ones. The latter marathons are on TNT, USA and A&E respectively. Old school CSI is also in marathon form on Spike…but you’ll have to sit through their commercials which leave a lot to be desired.
  • The History Channel is running an all-day tribute to UFOs. Don’t ask me how it relates to history. Last week they aired Forest Gump. I think they’re running out of content. Anyway, it’s a bunch of different shows which is a refreshing innovation to the marathon. You can see Deep Sea UFOS, UFO Hunters, and Beyond War of the Worlds. Just nerdy enough to be cool.
  • And if you feel like hating yourself this Christmas, you can tune in to The Hills marathon on MTV or the Countdown one (100 Greatest Reality Moments, 100 Greatest songs of the ’80s) on VH1. Please don’t watch this. Just don’t give in to the temptation and subject yourself to irrelevant people pretending to be relevant talking about ridiculous things…and that’s just on VH1.
  • The best marathon of all starts on the evening of the 24th with 24 Hours of A Christmas Story. For several years in a row, my favorite gift has been this marathon. It’s hilarious, heart-felt and bundled up in tradition, just like Randy in a snowsuit. And unlike most movies, I really can watch it over and over again. It has some kind of magic power.

And now you have something to do over Christmas Eve and Christmas. Well, outside of family stuff. For some of you, instead of family stuff. And for my chosen friends out there, you just get to enjoy the spoils.

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Stars Behind Bars: Topanga Edition


Danielle Fishel, (girl-geek and awkward wife), Topanga on Boy Meets World , was arrested this morning on a drunk driving warrant.

Let’s think of all the reasons Topanga would have to be drinking and driving:

  • Former flame Lance Bass is no longer interested.
  • Boy Meets World re-runs are hard to find now, even on Disney.
  • She’s a correspondent to the Tyra show, which is a punishment in and of itself
  • Other than BMW, the only remarkable thing on her acting resume is an episode of Yes, Dear

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